Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
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