Welp...herpes.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Come share oat with me in your robe
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
