I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Randomize
