So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
My day in three words: secret purse cake
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
