i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize