I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Randomize
