I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
it's great music for shaving your balls
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
