I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Randomize
