How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
