Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Randomize
