I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
