On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
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