Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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