then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
