woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Randomize
