I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I AM VODKA MAN
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
