You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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