that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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