What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Randomize
