like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
