Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
