so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
