Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
