What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Randomize
