I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
