In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
