Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
