i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
