i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I enjoy the company of your penis
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