..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
