apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Randomize
