Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
