My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Randomize