I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
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