Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
