Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Randomize
