i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
