I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
