Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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