I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Randomize
