this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
