You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
His hands were made for my vagina.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Randomize
