you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Randomize
