It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize