Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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