He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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