you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Randomize
