I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
