Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
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