I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Randomize
