Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
