i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
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