Hey man sorry I got all grabby
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Randomize
