so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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