So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Randomize
