Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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