in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
