I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize