I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Randomize
