Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Randomize