I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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