Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
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