dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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